Joseph Voelbel

1. Thank you – inside jokes… for only working indoors.

2. Thank you Déjà vu – for being French for, "this is way cooler than the first time."

3. Thank you – mosquitos… for being insects that studied acupuncture.

4. Thank you – the phrase, "easier said than done"… for being something that's easy to say that you don't have to do.

5. Thank you – Fed-ex… for sounding like a governmental divorcé.

6. Thank you – lunchables… for feeding people who can't make crackers and cheese.

7. Thank you – glasses… for functioning as little face furniture.

8. Thank you – lowercase i and j… for proving that dots aren't afraid of heights.

9. Thank you – Aloha… for not being certain of whether you're arriving or departing.

10. Thank you – dream job… for giving lawyers eight more billable hours per night.

11. Thank you – horsepower… for being the amount of horses that can fit behind my boat.

12. Thank you – wine corks that get pushed into the bottle… for being tiny alcoholic buoys.

13. Thank you – the phrase, "one in the hand, two in the bush"… for sounding like a punch line from a dirty joke by my Grandpa.

14. Thank you – servers who say, "How are we doing tonight?"… for making it impossible to answer without asking the same question.

15. Thank you – Coneheads, for reminding us of Egyptian pharaohs.

16. Thank you – deep dish pizza… for not being a superficial dish.

17. Thank you – chopsticks – for being the simplest way to eat since fingers.

18. Thank you – Maraschino cherries with toothpick sized swords in them… for being a fruity version of the sword in the stone.

19. Thank you – meditation … for being better than sitting around and doing nothing.

20. Thank you – Jesus… for resetting the calendar.

21. Thank you – the great outdoors…for being the world's largest urinal.

22. Thank you – tic-tac-toe… for showing two smart people they will always tie.

23. Thank you – Forever 21… for making people that are over 21 feel like it was forever ago.

24. Thank you – patchouli… for being a scent that says,  "I don't shower."

25. Thank you – Steve Jobs, for connecting my one thing to the other thing that connects to that other thing.

26. Thank you – vegans… for making the rest of your family feel awkward at dinner.

27. Thank you – dishwasher… for washing way more than one dish.

28. Thank you – birds… for reminding a hunter who craps on whom.

29. Thank you – ashtrays on armrests in airplanes… for proving that airplanes are old enough to smoke.

30. Thank you – people who say, "things were different when we were young"… for pointing out something that is always true. 

31. Thank you – people who pass out email addresses that end in @aol.com… for warning me you don't check email, type with one finger, and ask people questions like, "Are you good at the Internet?"

32. Thank you – guy who says one beer can't mess me up… for giving the guy next to you a reason to hit you over the head with it.

33. Thank you – cross walk signs… for being hypocrites that say walk but never move.

34. Thank you – tennis shoes… for also working outside of your sport.

35. Thank you – stewardesses on airplanes… for showing everyone how loud you can close overhead cabinets.

36. Thank you – ear buds… for the sound high.  

37. Thank you – contacts… for not starting a TV show called Eyeballs Gone Wild.

38. Thank you – the pope… for reminding us that he who has the tallest hat rules.

39. Thank you – the phrase, "just a drop in the bucket"… for being a unique way of saying something is not unique.

40. Thank you –the Buddhist word for death and re-birth, Samsara… for being the ultimate rerun. 

41. Thank you – blue skies… for seeming both happy and sad.

42.  Thank you – Macaroni… for sounding like an Italian pimp.

43. Thank you – that one person from that one time… for being unforgettable.

44. Thank you – some pulp… for being the type of OJ Goldilocks would call "Juuuust right."

45. Thank you – fires… for being like television before 1950.

46. Thank you – clever t-shirts… for being smarter than the person wearing you.

47. Thank you – Google… for finishing my thoughts.

48. Thank you – Martin Luther King's I have a dream speech… Although, I'm pretty sure we all do.

49. Thank you - . The Land Before Time… for managing to show up before yourself.

50. Thank you – conspiracy theorists… for proving us all wrong. 

51. Thank you – Tornadoes… for being extremely certain of one direction.

52. Thank you – buy two get one free… for encouraging me to acquire two more of something than I need one of.

53. Thank you – guy who turns the lights on at bar close… for giving me a good look at the mistake I was about to make.

54. Thank you – halogen lights… for reminding me how bad imitation sunlight is.  

55. Thank you – QWERTY keyboards… for being designed to make people type slower.

56. Thank you – 401K… for never paying out as much as your name.

57. Thank you – attendee who calls out, "pre-boarding all first class passengers"… for showcasing the people who pay more money to drink orange juice before takeoff.

58. Thank you – The Sound of Music… for reminding us we don't smell, touch, taste or see sound.

59. Thank you – people who spell cool kewl in text messages… for giving people a reason to think you aren't very cool. 

60. Thank you –coffee cups that say, "Juan in a million"… for making one of the most common Spanish names sound special.

61. Thank you – people who make LinkedIn requests to strangers just to get to 500+ connections… for letting me know I probably shouldn't do business with you.

62. Thank you – Barrack Hussein Obama… for sounding like a smashed-together version of Saddam Hussein and Osama Bin Laden… the two most notorious American terrorists. 

63. Thank you – Marijuana… for reminding us… wait… uh… what did you remind us of again?

64. Thank you –coffee … for sounding like a tax that crows pay. 

65. Thank you – wormholes… for connecting between two points in timespace, and apples.

66. Thank you – patience… for being something I can't wait to work on

67. Thank you – universe… for reminding us that existence is just one song.

68. Thank you – the letter O… for doubling for zero in all those James Bond movies. 

69. Thank you – scales… for being something we grow on but doesn't grow on us.

70. Thank you – swimming... for reminding us that real things are more fun than Internet.

71. Thank you –"Quack Quack Seat Back"… for making sure ducks don't steal your seat.

72. Thank you – rock stars… or as I like to call you, meteorites.

73. Thank you – the phrase, "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas"… for allowing me to say I've only been married once.

74. Thank you – the letter S added to iPhones... for showing how many seconds my new phone will be new for.

75. Thank you – the song lyric, "You can't always get what you want"… for giving 16 yr. old girls who live in Malibu and want a new car something to disagree with.

76. Thank you – Freud… for turning everything straight and hard into a cigar.

77. Thank you - Alkaline water... for sounding like you come from the tallest glaciers. 

Joseph Voelbel is an AI Learning Experience Designer, Author, and Philosopher. Titles include Pay Attention to Bitcoin (2024) a punchy digital primer on sound money, and Nineteen Stories (2017), a literary collection exploring the unknown.