1. Thank you – inside jokes… for only working indoors.
2. Thank you Déjà vu – for being French for, "this is way cooler than the first time."
3. Thank you – mosquitos… for being insects that studied acupuncture.
4. Thank you – the phrase, "easier said than done"… for being something that's easy to say that you don't have to do.
5. Thank you – Fed-ex… for sounding like a governmental divorcé.
6. Thank you – lunchables… for feeding people who can't make crackers and cheese.
7. Thank you – glasses… for functioning as little face furniture.
8. Thank you – lowercase i and j… for proving that dots aren't afraid of heights.
9. Thank you – Aloha… for not being certain of whether you're arriving or departing.
10. Thank you – dream job… for giving lawyers eight more billable hours per night.
11. Thank you – horsepower… for being the amount of horses that can fit behind my boat.
12. Thank you – wine corks that get pushed into the bottle… for being tiny alcoholic buoys.
13. Thank you – the phrase, "one in the hand, two in the bush"… for sounding like a punch line from a dirty joke by my Grandpa.
14. Thank you – servers who say, "How are we doing tonight?"… for making it impossible to answer without asking the same question.
15. Thank you – Coneheads, for reminding us of Egyptian pharaohs.
16. Thank you – deep dish pizza… for not being a superficial dish.
17. Thank you – chopsticks – for being the simplest way to eat since fingers.
18. Thank you – Maraschino cherries with toothpick sized swords in them… for being a fruity version of the sword in the stone.
19. Thank you – meditation … for being better than sitting around and doing nothing.
20. Thank you – Jesus… for resetting the calendar.
21. Thank you – the great outdoors…for being the world's largest urinal.
22. Thank you – tic-tac-toe… for showing two smart people they will always tie.
23. Thank you – Forever 21… for making people that are over 21 feel like it was forever ago.
24. Thank you – patchouli… for being a scent that says, "I don't shower."
25. Thank you – Steve Jobs, for connecting my one thing to the other thing that connects to that other thing.
26. Thank you – vegans… for making the rest of your family feel awkward at dinner.
27. Thank you – dishwasher… for washing way more than one dish.
28. Thank you – birds… for reminding a hunter who craps on whom.
29. Thank you – ashtrays on armrests in airplanes… for proving that airplanes are old enough to smoke.
30. Thank you – people who say, "things were different when we were young"… for pointing out something that is always true.
31. Thank you – people who pass out email addresses that end in @aol.com… for warning me you don't check email, type with one finger, and ask people questions like, "Are you good at the Internet?"
32. Thank you – guy who says one beer can't mess me up… for giving the guy next to you a reason to hit you over the head with it.
33. Thank you – cross walk signs… for being hypocrites that say walk but never move.
34. Thank you – tennis shoes… for also working outside of your sport.
35. Thank you – stewardesses on airplanes… for showing everyone how loud you can close overhead cabinets.
36. Thank you – ear buds… for the sound high.
37. Thank you – contacts… for not starting a TV show called Eyeballs Gone Wild.
38. Thank you – the pope… for reminding us that he who has the tallest hat rules.
39. Thank you – the phrase, "just a drop in the bucket"… for being a unique way of saying something is not unique.
40. Thank you –the Buddhist word for death and re-birth, Samsara… for being the ultimate rerun.
41. Thank you – blue skies… for seeming both happy and sad.
42. Thank you – Macaroni… for sounding like an Italian pimp.
43. Thank you – that one person from that one time… for being unforgettable.
44. Thank you – some pulp… for being the type of OJ Goldilocks would call "Juuuust right."
45. Thank you – fires… for being like television before 1950.
46. Thank you – clever t-shirts… for being smarter than the person wearing you.
47. Thank you – Google… for finishing my thoughts.
48. Thank you – Martin Luther King's I have a dream speech… Although, I'm pretty sure we all do.
49. Thank you - . The Land Before Time… for managing to show up before yourself.
50. Thank you – conspiracy theorists… for proving us all wrong.
51. Thank you – Tornadoes… for being extremely certain of one direction.
52. Thank you – buy two get one free… for encouraging me to acquire two more of something than I need one of.
53. Thank you – guy who turns the lights on at bar close… for giving me a good look at the mistake I was about to make.
54. Thank you – halogen lights… for reminding me how bad imitation sunlight is.
55. Thank you – QWERTY keyboards… for being designed to make people type slower.
56. Thank you – 401K… for never paying out as much as your name.
57. Thank you – attendee who calls out, "pre-boarding all first class passengers"… for showcasing the people who pay more money to drink orange juice before takeoff.
58. Thank you – The Sound of Music… for reminding us we don't smell, touch, taste or see sound.
59. Thank you – people who spell cool kewl in text messages… for giving people a reason to think you aren't very cool.
60. Thank you –coffee cups that say, "Juan in a million"… for making one of the most common Spanish names sound special.
61. Thank you – people who make LinkedIn requests to strangers just to get to 500+ connections… for letting me know I probably shouldn't do business with you.
62. Thank you – Barrack Hussein Obama… for sounding like a smashed-together version of Saddam Hussein and Osama Bin Laden… the two most notorious American terrorists.
63. Thank you – Marijuana… for reminding us… wait… uh… what did you remind us of again?
64. Thank you –coffee … for sounding like a tax that crows pay.
65. Thank you – wormholes… for connecting between two points in timespace, and apples.
66. Thank you – patience… for being something I can't wait to work on
67. Thank you – universe… for reminding us that existence is just one song.
68. Thank you – the letter O… for doubling for zero in all those James Bond movies.
69. Thank you – scales… for being something we grow on but doesn't grow on us.
70. Thank you – swimming... for reminding us that real things are more fun than Internet.
71. Thank you –"Quack Quack Seat Back"… for making sure ducks don't steal your seat.
72. Thank you – rock stars… or as I like to call you, meteorites.
73. Thank you – the phrase, "What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas"… for allowing me to say I've only been married once.
74. Thank you – the letter S added to iPhones... for showing how many seconds my new phone will be new for.
75. Thank you – the song lyric, "You can't always get what you want"… for giving 16 yr. old girls who live in Malibu and want a new car something to disagree with.
76. Thank you – Freud… for turning everything straight and hard into a cigar.
77. Thank you - Alkaline water... for sounding like you come from the tallest glaciers.